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When was the last time you truly listened to someone—not just heard their words but genuinely engaged in what they were saying? We often think of listening as a passive act, but it’s far more than that.
According to the International Listening Association, listening is “the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.” That’s a mouthful, but breaking it down makes it easier to see why listening is a skill we should all work to improve. Let’s explore each part of this definition and how it shapes our daily interactions.
1. Receiving: The First Step in Listening
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Listening starts with receiving—the physical act of hearing sound or noticing nonverbal cues. If you don’t hear or see something, you can’t process it.
Example:
Imagine you’re in a crowded coffee shop. Your friend is talking, but there’s background noise—machines whirring, people chatting, music playing. If you’re distracted by your phone or thinking about your to-do list, you might hear their voice but miss the words entirely.
How to Improve:
- Remove distractions: Dr. Ralph Nichols, often called the “Father of Listening,” emphasized the importance of resisting distractions as a key component of effective listening. He noted that our attention can easily wander, so minimizing external noise and internal thoughts is essential.
- Make eye contact: It signals engagement and helps you pick up on body language.
- Practice mindfulness: Be present in the moment instead of thinking about your response.
Takeaway: Just because you hear someone doesn’t mean you’re listening. True listening starts with attention.
2. Constructing Meaning: The Heart of Listening
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Once you receive the message, your brain processes it and makes sense of it. This step is where miscommunication often happens—our biases, past experiences, and emotions shape how we interpret what we hear.
Example:
A colleague says, “I didn’t expect you to finish that so fast.” Depending on your mood and their tone, you might hear praise (“Wow, you’re efficient!”) or sarcasm (“Did you rush through it?”). Your interpretation depends on context, past interactions, and assumptions.
How to Improve:
- Ask clarifying questions: “Did you mean that as a compliment?”
- Check for emotional reactions: Are you assuming the worst?
- Consider context: Think about the speaker’s usual tone and intent.
Dr. Kittie Watson, a communication expert and President of Innolect Inc., advocates for active listening—a technique that involves fully focusing, understanding, and responding to a speaker to ensure clarity and connection. By paraphrasing what we hear and asking thoughtful questions, we move beyond just hearing words to understanding them.
Takeaway: We don’t just absorb words—we assign meaning. Making sure we interpret correctly is key to true understanding.
3. Responding: The Final Step of Listening
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Listening isn’t complete until we respond. A response doesn’t have to be verbal—it can be a nod, a smile, or an action that shows we understand.
Example:
A friend shares something difficult, like “I’ve been really stressed lately.” A poor response might be dismissing it—“Yeah, we all are.” A better response is acknowledging their feelings: “That sounds tough. Want to talk about what’s stressing you out?”
How to Improve:
- Reflect before responding: Instead of reacting instantly, pause to ensure your response is thoughtful.
- Use active listening techniques: Consider the importance of showing the speaker you understand through verbal affirmations like, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed. Want to tell me more?”
- Validate emotions: Even if you don’t agree, show you understand their perspective.
Takeaway: A great response shows the speaker they were heard, valued, and understood.
The Power of Listening in Everyday Life
Listening isn’t just about words—it’s about connection. Research published in the International Journal of Listening shows that strong listening skills improve relationships, workplace productivity, and even mental health.
When we truly listen, we build trust, prevent misunderstandings, and create deeper relationships.
See How Your Life Changes When You Truly Listen
The next time you’re in a conversation, ask yourself: Am I just hearing, or am I really listening? Small changes in how we receive, interpret, and respond can make a huge difference in our personal and professional lives.
See how your life changes when you truly listen to others. Visit listen.org for more strategies.
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