Listening Lessons from Oz

Image Credit: “the fantasy collection” by thewhimsicalsweet

In my closing remarks [from the 2006 International Listening Association conference], as outgoing ILA president, I spoke about the listening lessons of The Wizard of Oz, pointing out what we can learn from the story and each of its characters.

First, of course, was Dorothy, who clarified her perspective by listening to others as she tried to find her way home.

The Cowardly Lion struggled for courage, and listening definitely takes courage. When we ask a question, we must be prepared to listen to the hard stuff, too, not just what we want to hear.

Scarecrow, in search of a brain, knew the value of listening and the hazards of over-talking. In answer to Dorothy’s question, “How can you talk if you don’t have a brain?” Scarecrow replies, “I don’t know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don’t they?”

The Tin Man, in searching for his heart, realized through listening to others that he had what he wanted and needed all along. In fact, they all did—which also became a lesson in inward listening.

They also learned a hard lesson from the Wizard, who was not aware of his impact as a role model or how urgently he was counted on to listen to and help others.

Listening is a journey, and everyone’s Yellow Brick Road has roadblocks and potholes along the way and a cast of characters with their own struggles.

Wicked, the back story of the Wizard of Oz [describing the lives of the Elphaba, the Wicked Witch, and Galinda, the Good Witch] teaches a number of listening lessons, as well, related to assumptions, prejudice and friendship. The powerful tales of Oz serve as a fitting reminder of my message throughout my term as ILA president: “There is power in listening.”

For the original mindmap I created (using Inspiration concept mapping software), see the PDF of Listening Lessons from Oz Mindmap. The mindmap includes Toto, too!

2011 Taught Me 11 Things

Kevin, James and I got cross tattoos in memory of Kyle in the fall of 2011

Of all the years I’ve lived through, 2011 does not rank up there as one of my favorite ones. If you know me, or “know me” virtually, you will probably be able to predict why. But I’ll get to that soon enough.

  1. Twitter is a lot of fun and a great distraction for me. I’ve even won multiple contests this year, ranging from gift cards to Daytona 500 tickets to attending the penultimate space shuttle launch. Even though many of my students thought Twitter was a total waste of time, I was able to show them how businesses use it to engage with their customers and retain their loyalty.
  2. Photos are critical to me. I take them as a form of relaxation and use them to document my life. However this Christmas morning, I took very few pictures. Since we were missing one of our family members, I guess I just didn’t want to remember much about Christmas 2011.
  3. I miss taking long walks in the mornings. I used the age and declining health of my dog Jasmine as an excuse not to get out there on my own during these last few months. That needs to stop, and I need to get back out there on my own. And that will also help me catch up on the myriad podcasts that I’ve failed to listen to lately.
  4. Though I was quite grateful that my university had the confidence in me to become the interim chair of my department this summer, I am beyond relieved to be primarily back in the college classroom only — with very few administrative/leadership duties — starting in 2012. Being with the students and helping them to learn and become energized about the field of public relations is where I belong.
  5. God’s time is NOT my time. My husband and I never once expected to get that horrific phone call from East Alabama Medical Center on September 29 letting us know that our oldest son Kyle had unexpectedly and inexplicably passed away overnight. (We are still awaiting final results from the medical examiner, but that’s another story.)
  6. Without social media, I am confident that I would have struggled much, much more with the death of my 22-year-old son. Oh, don’t get me wrong:  I am still trying to come to grips with why (and even how) Kyle passed away. However, the immense outpouring of support and prayers I received on Facebook and Twitter, many times from friends of Kyle who didn’t even know me before, helped me get through that horrible first week and beyond. It helped me to understand how many lives Kyle impacted, especially once he left home for college.
  7. Having multiple people pray out loud for me, all at the same time, is an incredibly powerful and moving thing. As a Presbyterian on an Assemblies of God (Pentacostal) campus, this method of prayer felt uncomfortable when I saw others doing it. Until they did it for ME this year. Wow. It brought tears to my eyes, and I felt an incredible sense of calm the handful of times Southeastern University students and faculty prayed over me this year.
  8. Virtual relationships are great, but…. nothing can take the (complete) place of spending time physically in the presence of people you love. I was able to spend time in July with Linda in Maine, and in December with Deb at St. Pete Beach. Even when we weren’t talking about anything important, it was fabulous to know that they were right there, with each of us ready to listen when the other wanted or needed to talk.
  9. If you want to become an organ donor — and for the life of me, I don’t understand why anyone would not want to — you will make things much easier for your family if you let them know your wishes. Of all the phone calls I had to deal with after Kyle died, the one I received from the Alabama Organ Center was the easiest one to deal with. I knew that Kyle wanted to donate his organs, so my conversation about his wishes required no thinking. And he was able to help more than 100 people in need.
  10. Auburn University is an amazing institution. My husband and I both graduated from Auburn in the ’80s,and I went back there to teach briefly two times. We’ve often joked that we bleed orange and blue. Our oldest son was accepted to Auburn in the late ’90s. He was a graduating senior this fall. And the folks at Auburn were in constant contact with us after his death, making sure things were taken care of. Among the things they did for us were:
    • calling us several times a day during those first few, horrible days
    • writing a front-page article in The Plainsman about Kyle’s life
    • sending us a framed and matted Certificate of Attendance
    • honoring Kyle in a flag ceremony at Samford Hall, then displaying the flag with a plaque in the Student Act, then sending us both of them
    • awarding Kyle a posthumous Bachelor of Arts in Political Science
    • allowing our son James to walk across the stage at the Fall 2011 Commencement, to accept Kyle’s diploma

  11. Our children are an incredible source of strength for me, more than I ever realized. From 12-year-old Kat playing “Amazing Grace” on her flute at Kyle’s memorial services in Auburn and Lakeland, to 13-year-old Sam giving me those gangly over-the-top-of-my-shoulders hugs, to 22-year-old James confidently living on his own now here in Lakeland, I never realized how much strength I drew from them. And I need to remember to let them know it more often than I do.
So, those are 11 of the things that 2011 taught me. There are more, but many of them are too personal to post here online.

PS: The Bible verse in my tattoo at the top of this page is Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” This verse is especially poignant because it was the verse of the day sent to Kevin’s Android phone on September 29; Kevin read that verse just before calling the hospital to learn that Kyle had passed away suddenly. With this tattoo, I get the strong feeling that Kyle’s hand is on my shoulder. It’s comforting.

Bok Tower Gardens Floral Photo Safari, Spring 2011

One of my favorite places to go to stroll, think, pray and take photos is Bok Tower Gardens in historic Lake Wales, Fla. Yesterday, the one-year anniversary of the passing of my mother, I made the 45-minute trek from my home to Lake Wales. Here you’ll see many of my floral photos from this spring.

If you’d asked me, I would have said I had taken a hundred or more photos yesterday. But as I was downloading them into Picasa this morning, I realized I took fewer than 50. I must have been strolling, thinking and praying more than taking photos. And that’s just what I needed yesterday.

I miss you, Mom.

Back to Norman

Chuckie Finster, from Nickelodeon's Rugrats

Wow, what a year 2010 has been. On top of moving from the Savannah area to central Florida, here’s what’s been going on:

  • I taught ten, yes – 10, classes during Spring semester: six online for Georgia Southern University and four face-to-face at Southeastern University. That’s about 200 students in seven unique courses, virtually of them all blogging as part of their classes. And I survived to tell the tale.
  • Our daughter was on a rec league team for Miss Lakeland Softball and was then chosen to be a member of an All-Star team. (For those of you who played ball — or parents of those who have — you know what a time commitment this is. At least four evenings a week were taken up with softball.) By the way, I kept the stats book for the softball team.
  • And at the very end of Spring semester, I had the honor of helping my sisters care for my 80-year-old mom at her home in the Atlanta area during her final months. Mom passed away in her sleep at home on May 25. Her memorial service was last week.

Like I said, wow, what a year 2010 has been.

Life is now, as Chuckie Finster from Rugrats would say, “Back to Norman!”

Now to figure out what the “New Norman” is for us.

This summer, here’s what’s going on:

  • I’m teaching three different courses online for Georgia Southern University. (And in the fall, I’ll drop down to part-time online with GSU, but I have been hired on an Assistant Professor of Communication at Southeastern University here in Lakeland.)
  • I’m writing instructor materials (including syllabi, online quizzes, presentations, etc.) for a textbook, because of connections I made on LinkedIn & Twitter with the book authors.
  • Because of a connection I made on Twitter with the PR director at Gateway International Raceway, I’ll get to ride in a pace car during a NASCAR Nationwide Series race in July. Expect lots of tweets and shared photos from that weekend. You didn’t know I’m a NASCAR fan? Then you must not follow me on Twitter, especially on race weekends.
  • Lots of floral photography will happen at Lakeland’s Hollis Garden and Lake Wales’ Bok Tower Gardens. That is, if I can stand the heat and humidity!
  • We’ll take the kiddos to Sea World & Busch Gardens; being Florida residents has some nice perks when it comes to season pass prices.
  • And best of all, my husband and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in July.

Stay tuned. When my family is involved, there’s always more to come.